Saturday, May 22, 2010

my love

I want to call you "my love" like I used to, when I used to lie about everything. What we had wasn't love; it was humiliation. It was possession. It was letting you get close to me and allowing you to tear away tiny bits of my heart.

I want to convince myself that, in some sick way, we were right for each other. I want to lie and lie and lie, to myself and to you. I want to go back to being that girl who just kept running.

I want to stay up all night and drink too much and sleep in the next day. I want to go back to cheap and easy, because everything hurts. And time moves slowly.

I never slept because I wanted to avoid the nightmares, the ones that seem to find me every night lately.

I want to lash out at everyone who loves me best because...

I don't know why.

Loving someone is so absurdly easy. But letting someone love you? That is hard.


Rebekah said...

Please feel free and welcome to come to me for anything. If you need to vent, if you need to cry, if you need to forget, if you need nothing.

kt said...

Thanks, Bex (P.S. That's what I always call you in my head.)

Rebekah said...

I love it. Lots. Kinda like you :)