home, on a happier note

I am a really lucky girl.

I'm lucky that I have a handful of women who love me and who I call "mom". I'm lucky that the same friends I had when I was eleven years old are some of my dearest friends today. I'm lucky that I have a job that allows me to fly home for graduations. I'm even luckier that I have the financial stability to be able to give a graduation gift to one of my favorite people. I'm lucky that I come from a close family. I'm lucky that my hometown was safe and supportive. I'm lucky that everyone in my life has always pushed me to succeed. I am lucky that I have a group of friends who are always prepared to rally around whichever one of us needs support.

I am lucky to know that blood is thicker than water, but love is thicker than blood. And cliche as that may be, I love that I have been surrounded by amazing people and have been able to choose such a beautiful family.

the hat

I have a much happier blog post in me somewhere. But today, I stumbled across a song that hits too close to home.

Going Home with a capital H becomes more & more strange. Going Home to support your best friend's family three months after her death is exhausting. Seeing your parents as people instead of parents is exhausting. Being twenty-three and on the verge of making a decision that will direct the rest of your life's paths is exhausting.

Going Home always makes me want to shrink back into my fifteen-sixteen-seventeen-year-old self, when I had all the confidence in the world & not a single doubt. I crave the love and the stability of hugs from friends I've had for over a decade.

Being twenty-three means that when I go to visit my best friend's grave, an adolescent with a too-short haircut will be watering her with a garden hose, because the grass hasn't quite grown in yet, and what was supposed to be a profound experience makes me laugh & makes my stomach turn at the same time. Close friends tell stories about her fierce love for me and I am so happy/sad that I don't know what to do next.

A post with us putting on our brave, happy faces for graduation is on its way soon. Today, I feel more like this song, bittersweet & honest.

veggies: 5/19/11

- red potatoes!

- a big, fat onion. Are you a sweet onion? We're not sure yet.

- swiss chard

- BEEEEETS! :)

- carrots

- green onions

- green garlic

all i want

...is a kebab. Or a kebap.

I would just about hop a transatlantic flight right now just so I could munch on a sandwich with a side of frites & an Orangina. Royal Kebab. Mister Kebap. Chicken kebab. Regular kebab. I don't care. I would like un kebab avec sauce blanche et un Orangina.

This is the voice of a woman who has been fighting a serious kebab craving for almost three years.

Help!