23 was a strange year

Being 23 was rough in ways that I never expected. I am a girl wholly unaccustomed to failure; graduating from nursing school during a recession was not something that I expected or appreciated. My best friend died unexpectedly, turning my world completely upside-down. I drove across the country twice and flew between Arizona and California more times than I can count. Lost weight, gained it back. Broke up with Russell, got back together. Was unemployed for a few months, took a bunch of classes, got my DREAM JOB (even if it is temporary).

I am happy. Some days, I work at it, and it's really hard. It's been almost a year since Kaylee died and I've gotten out of bed every day since then. I consider that a victory.

I absolutely LOVE my job. I'm working nights on an infant/toddler general pediatrics floor. Sometimes when my floor is slow, I float to Level I NICU. For 12 hours, I feed babies, change diapers, and sing nursery songs. NG tubes, TPN feeds, lab draws. The last time I worked, an exceptionally chatty 4-year-old grabbed my nose; when I asked what he was doing, he yelled, "I'm beeping your horn!"

So, resolutions. It's 2012 already. I didn't make any. But here's a follow-up on the ones that I made last year:

- Cook more. ---> I've roasted chickens and hosted dinner parties and feel like I'm really finding my stride in the kitchen.

- Work less. Stress less. Generally give myself a break. ---> I'm definitely working less and enjoying my free time more.

- 6 pack abs? Right? ---> I'm sure.

- Rediscover all the things I used to love to do before I convinced myself that falling into the "work hard in high school SO you can get into a good college SO you can work hard in college SO you can get a good job SO you can make lots of money SO you can buy lots of things SO..." So what? I don't know. But the money is good and the job is not so good, so maybe by this time next year, I'll have a whole different career? Or at least hobbies that make the day job not so...job-like. ---> I'm in the same career, but a different job, and so much happier.

- Here's the big one, though: Figure out how in the world I'm going to get back to Namibia or to Haiti to work with all the babies that my heart hurts for. Whether it's nursing or being a teacher or saving all my tips from the barista gig I have to get when I finally quit being a nurse, I just can't help but believe that God puts these kids on my heart and never lets me forget them for a reason. So that's the big one. Figure out how to get from point A to point B (or point Z, because as of right now, it seems like quite a ways off). ---> I still can't quite see how it's all going to fall into place, but I'm on the right path.

hobbies as of late

- shredding my abs on the Bender Ball & then walking around the whole next day like I was involved in a barfight

- lots & lots of yoga

- trying foods that I'm pretty sure I won't like (Note: If it looks like an Egg McMuffin, that's probably what it tastes like. Go for oatmeal.)

- remembering the days when I could sleep past 7 because my neighborhood didn't blast wake-up music

- band-aids, ice packs, & tympanic membrane thermometers

- feeling like Wal-Mart is a sign of reaching civilization (ouch)

- reading reading reading reading

- Gmail voice & video chat

- "What's your name? What's your division? What happened?"

- finally learning how to use a walkie talkie

road trip 2011: 3 putes, 4 stars

Once upon a time, two girls thought it would be a really great idea to take a cross-country road trip. Seven days, an H&M bag full of snacks, & a borrowed SUV.

They saw the Meteor Crater, the world's best preserved meteorite impact site.

They visited Dorothy's house in the heart of Liberal, Kansas.

They saw the Arch in Saint Louis, & sat in a creepy capsule of an elevator to get to the top.

They went to Chicago to meet up with the third member of their elite posse. While in Chicago, they ate & ate & ate. Their recommendations include Frontera Grill, The Purple Pig, & Quartino (ask for Scott, the best waiter in all the land & my boyfriend's doppelganger).

They drove 19 miles out of their way to visit Punxsutawney Phil, who lives in a tiny rodent habitat attached to the public library.

And finally, they parted ways to attend to their responsibilities at work.

I am at camp. The kids don't get here until Saturday so for the past eight days I have been filing, cleaning, socializing, stocking shelves, Ace wrapping elbows & knees & ankles, & tending to other miscellaneous injuries. The food is good, though I'm not impressed by the desserts (shocker). It is beautiful here, but it's been raining for the past two days. In my free time, I'm doing a lot of yoga & a lot of reading.

yum and yuck

Last weekend, Russell J & I took a mini vacation to Arizona wine country. We toured Alcantara Vineyards. After that, we made our way into the adorable town of Cottonwood, where we did a wine tasting at Arizona Stronghold. We grabbed a bite to eat, did a chocolate & wine tasting at the Pillsbury Wine Company Tasting Room, and then, we did the best thing that we did all weekend.

We did a cheese tasting.

There a few things I enjoy more than fine cheeses. If you also have a love for cheese, please please puh-lease go to Cottonwood and visit Bonne Lait. You could even bring back some cheese for me. I swear I'll help you eat it.

Unfortunately, I was pretty excited about delicious food & drink, so I didn't take any pictures. Oops.

We stayed at the Jerome Grand Hotel, which has been called one of the most active haunted locations in the world. Um. I do not like ghosts. I do not like thinking about ghosts. I do not even like watching Ghost Hunters during the daytime. Needless to say, I was not excited about our lodging for the evening. This is a picture of me in the elevator, which is supposed to be haunted by the ghost of an orderly who died by being crushed by the elevator back when the hotel was a hospital. Um, no thanks. Get me out of here, please.

I am leaving for camp bright & early on Wednesday morning & evening though this man makes my stay at a haunted house every time he takes me on vacation, I am really going to miss him for the next eight weeks. I mean, what other sous chef poses with my chickens?

veggies: 6/2/11

- yellow & petit pan squashes

- leeks

- green onion

- swiss chard

- carrots

- little yellow potatoes

- sweet onions

Mexican food tonight! We're eating pozole at home & then hitting up a paleteria for dessert. Yum!

veggies: 5/19/11

- red potatoes!

- a big, fat onion. Are you a sweet onion? We're not sure yet.

- swiss chard

- BEEEEETS! :)

- carrots

- green onions

- green garlic

veggies: week 12

I think I may have missed posting about the veg last week. Maybe not. My brain's been kind of forgetful lately.

- snow peas

- sad-looking lettuce (It's cool. I'll still eat it.)

- carrots

- BEETS! :)

- leeks

- green garlic

- turnips

- easter egg radishes

Tonight, as I prep for tomorrow's Royal Wedding Party, Russell J is taking over dinner & making Ranch Style Chicken à la The Pioneer Woman. Come hang out with me tomorrow & wear your tiara?

back in action

Today is the first day in about three weeks that I've felt like cooking. This is great news!

My favorite recipes are those that are deceptively easy & undeniably delicious. Tonight, I'm busting out my favorite lemon chicken recipe, some roasted grape tomatoes, & I'm leaving the salad responsibilities up to Russell J.

And! The best part of the night! My favorite restaurant is celebrating their half birthday this week with half off apps, desserts, & beverages. Tonight is half off dessert night. Not only do I fully support the celebration of half birthdays, but I also fly into a rage every time a restaurant's website fails to list a dessert menu. No worries here! Beckett's Table has all of their desserts on their site AND they have a chocolate covered bacon smore. Oh yes. They did. It hurts so goooood. Anyway, I'm sure you could Google a recipe for something as so wrong/so right as a chocolate covered bacon smore, but that is something I refuse to do. Because then I would know all the dirty little secrets to making one. And I would weigh eight hundred pounds.

In the interest of my general health, I'll save my fave dessert for special occasions like tonight. Happy Wednesday, everybody!!

ode to russell j

I can do this, because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that Russell has less than zero interest in reading my blog.

I adore him.

I love that he loves Vegas the Wonder Dog. I love that he never complains about walking her or about the fact I sleep in until the very last second possible & then run around the house like a madwoman every day before work. I love that he can never make a recipe the same way twice. I love that he is thrifty & makes me delicious, comfort-foodie things like shepherd's pie & turkey chili & then freezes the leftovers so that we can eat them on lazy nights where we would rather just go to Chick-fil-A. I love that he's calm when I panic, that he enjoys silly things like Say Yes to the Dress & the Kardashians & that he makes great pizza dough. I love that he laughs at his own jokes & kisses me on the tip of my nose & always takes out the trash.

But most of all, above everything else, I love that for the past two & a half years, he has always held my hand any time we've gone anywhere.

So I love him. So there.

In the meantime, have you heard about this Engagement Chicken nonsense? Evidently, if you make this roast chicken for your boyfriend, he will propose. Now I'm not one to exchange dinner for diamonds (& I've made a roast chicken or two before, without receiving any proposals), but it sounds really good. And my current girl crush, Ina Garten, has an Engagement Chicken recipe as well. So conflicted!

Tonight: my turn back in the kitchen!

um, yum: part the second

People.

People.

I have found THE chicken recipe to end all chicken recipes (and that's saying something, coming from a girl who could eat chicken every night of the week).

Ina, I've got a big kitchen crush on you.

Lemon Chicken Breasts

2010, Barefoot Contessa How Easy is That?, All Rights Reserved

Prep Time:

15 min

Inactive Prep Time:

10 min

Cook Time:

35 min

Level:

Easy

Serves:

4 servings

Ingredients

• 1/4 cup good olive oil
• 3 tablespoons minced garlic (9 cloves)
• 1/3 cup dry white wine
• 1 tablespoon grated lemon zest (2 lemons)
• 2 tablespoons freshly squeezed lemon juice
• 1 1/2 teaspoons dried oregano
• 1 teaspoon minced fresh thyme leaves
• Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
• 4 boneless chicken breasts, skin on (6 to 8 ounces each)
• 1 lemon

Directions

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F.

Warm the olive oil in a small saucepan over medium-low heat, add the garlic, and cook for just 1 minute but don't allow the garlic to turn brown. Off the heat, add the white wine, lemon zest, lemon juice, oregano, thyme, and 1 teaspoon salt and pour into a 9 by 12-inch baking dish.

Pat the chicken breasts dry and place them skin side up over the sauce. Brush the chicken breasts with olive oil and sprinkle them liberally with salt and pepper. Cut the lemon in 8 wedges and tuck it among the pieces of chicken.

Bake for 30 to 40 minutes, depending on the size of the chicken breasts, until the chicken is done and the skin is lightly browned. If the chicken isn't browned enough, put it under the broiler for 2 minutes. Cover the pan tightly with aluminum foil and allow to rest for 10 minutes. Sprinkle with salt and serve hot with the pan juices.

veggies: week 8

- kohlrabi

- spinach

- more easter egg radishes (yuck)

- beets (yummmm)

- green garlic (also yummm)

- two of the biggest turnips I've ever seen

- lettuce

- swiss chard

And dinner was: chicken tacos with a roasted beet, kohlrabi, & feta salad with honey vinaigrette. Yum :)

oh, bobby

We've been doing this dance for a while now. Ever since Mariam decided that we needed to fall asleep to Iron Chef America. Every. Single. Night.

So you are way too similar to one of my ex-boyfriends. And you do that annoying thing on Iron Chef where you make your "signature chili oils". I hate it.

But I love your accent. And your hair. And every single episode of Throwdown with Bobby Flay. And now...Brunch at Bobby's??? I don't think I can handle it. I really can't.

Bobby...Bob...Robert, if I may. I think I might love you. Please don't tell anyone. Especially not Mariam.

P.S. I also like your eyes. And your kitchen.

P.P.S. My super-hot boyfriend who lacks your accent, flowing locks & kitchen is up in MY kitchen making pan-fried chicken, sweet potato waffles & collard greens with bacon. WINNER.

i hate your store, but i love your pudding

So. There is this restaurant/grocery store/pizza place/really hip joint for the Scottsdale moms to drink coffee & eat muffins. It is down the street from me. And every single time I go there, I end up leaving upset. They serve pizza at different times depending on the day. I always get elbowed by someone. I never end up ordering the correct item at the correct register. And last week, when I was going to tell the girl behind the counter that I loved her hair color, she seemed annoyed at having to ring up my purchases, so I didn't. BUT, they have the most amazing chocolate pudding I have ever eaten in my whole entire life. And for that, I keep going back, Pavlovian in my obsession. I keep telling myself that I'm going to find a similar recipe & make the same pudding. But part of me just wants to stop there every other day on my way home from work & buy it. Because it comes in a little plastic pudding cup with a snap-on top. And the whipped cream on top is perfect & thick, even the day after I buy it. And I am obsessed, I tell you.

I found a use for arugula. Thanks to Bekah, I tried to make an arugula pesto, which was a GREAT SUCCESS, so much so that I doubled the recipe, froze the extras, & am planning to eat them later.

I also pried the shepherd's pie recipe from the recesses of Russell's brain. It went something like this:

Me: Hey, where did you find that recipe?

R: On the internet somewhere. Shepherd's Pie for Dummies? 30 Minute Casseroles? Really Easy Shepherd's Pie?

Me (after recognizing the recipe by the photo): Okay, okay, so you subbed chicken & chicken broth. How many turnips did you add? Three? Okay. How long did you boil the broccoli?

R: I don't know. Until they were done? Four minutes? I also sassed up the potatoes.

Me: How?

R: I added butter & cream.

Me: How much?

R: However much you add to make them good.

We obviously come from different schools of cooking. But here it is, the famous recipe for Russell J's Shepherd's Pie, based very, very loosely off of this recipe:

- 1 1/2 lbs leftover rotisserie chicken

- 1 onion, chopped

- 1 cup each celery, broccoli, & carrots (or whatever you have around)

- 3 potatoes

- 3 turnips

- 8 tablespoons of butter (1 stick)

- 1/2 cup chicken broth

- 1/2 cup heavy cream

- salt & pepper to taste

1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Peel & quarter potatoes & turnips, boil in salted water until tender (about 20 minutes). Drain.

2. While the potatoes are cooking, melt 4 tablespoons butter in a large frying pan.

3. Saute onion in butter onions in butter over medium heat (2 minutes). Add the carrots & celery & cook until onion is tender.

4. While onion, carrots, & celery, are cooking, bring some water to a boil in a saucepan. Boil broccoli about 4 minutes, until bright green. Drain.

5. Add chicken, salt & pepper, & 1/2 cup chicken broth to onion, carrots & celery. Cook, uncovered, over low heat for 10 minutes.

6. Mash potato/turnip mixture in bowl with butter & heavy cream. Season to taste. (If you are Russell J, you recommend blending them in a KitchenAid Pro 600 series. However, this is only a suggestion.)

7. Place chicken/onion mixture in a 9" x 13" baking dish. Distribute mashed potato/turnip evenly on top. Make peaks with a fork.

8. Cook until bubbling & brown, about 30 minutes. Broil for last few minutes if necessary to brown.

Finally, I need some swimsuit advice. After nearly fifteen years of wearing bikinis, I have to drag myself back to the land of the one-piece swimsuit for my job as a camp nurse this summer. If you were my supervisor (in a land where I can justify spending over $100 for a swimsuit), would these be too risque to wear in front of 7-to-15-year-olds?

veggies: week 5

-lettuce

-arugula

-spinach

-dill

-swiss chard, which reminds me of the good old days of eating at the only vegetarian restaurant in Puebla, Mexico & beginning my journey of eating whatever anyone gives me, as long as I'm traveling

-green onion

-daikon radishes (NOOOOOOOOOO!)

-Scarlet Queen Red salad turnips

Shamefully, I didn't cook at all last week after Russell's first, amazing attempt at shepherd's pie. It was phenomenal. So phenomenal, in fact, that it's all I ate over the weekend while Russell was off skiing. Yum. He claims to be working on a recipe that is more practical for 2 people, as opposed to the 13'x9' recipe we made the first time, but I'd be okay keeping things just as they are.

top secret!

I think I've figured out what I want to be when I grow up!

Now let's our cross our fingers & hold our collective breath to see if I can make it happen in the next year & a half.

veggies: week 4 (or so)

Today!!!

- lettuce

- spinach

- broccoli

- arugula

- parsley

- collard greens

- kale

- Hakurei Japanese turnips, which, according to the CSA are "fruity-sweet...[and] great raw or lightly cooked. Even if you're not crazy about traditional turnips, give these a try...you'll be surprised."

Tonight is Russell J's turn for dinner & he is cooking up a shepherd's pie with chicken, carrots, celery, broccoli, & a potato/turnip mutant topping (However, he is prohibited from using my fruity-sweet turnips, in case they really do outshine "traditional" turnips).

P.S. NO RADISHES!!!

P.P.S. Russell likes to listen to NPR while he's cooking. Nerdy adorable!

confessions

Confession: I have yet to start my taxes. I mean, how hard can they be, right? Hard enough for me to avoid them like the plague. Or the plaque, which I am also attempting to avoid after not seeing the dentist since who knows when.

But here is what I am doing. Making veggie gumbo.

I am not cleaning, I am not applying for jobs, & I am nowhere near accepting that Kaylee is gone, but I am making some killer (bad choice of words?) comfort foods.

Confession again: I bought Jillian Michaels: 6 Week Six-Pack well over six weeks ago & have yet to start. But I did do some yoga tonight. Clearing my head is not at all easy right now.

Confession the third: I didn't even take a tiny little taste of the Sweet Pickled Onion Watermelon Radish Salad that I made last night. When I took it out of the fridge, it smelled like mildew, so I decided to pass. Russell J took a bite and also decided against eating it. We also lit an orange blossom candle in the kitchen to exorcise the smell. So that's how it's going with the radishes.

"radish recipes that don't suck"

Also, "how the hell to eat kohlrabi".

This is the way that I talk to Google.

I spent most of today flipping through cookbooks and have decided that a) my cookbooks have left me ill-equipped to cook these CSA veggies and b) I hate cookbooks without indices.

Tonight, dinner was wok sauteed mizuna with leftover orange roasted chicken, roasted broccoli & kohlrabi with green garlic (that I burned nearly to a crisp), & arugula salad with beets, walnuts, & goat cheese (I hate hate hate arugula). Well, one out of three.

Tomorrow, I once again attempt to conquer radishes.

it's a sweet, sweet life

Literally.

Russell J made me the most amazing cherry clafoutis with a shortbread crust as a late Valentine's Day present. I'm not saying I could eat it every day for the rest of my life, but I have eaten it multiple times a day for the past two days. He's definitely a keeper.

And....drumroll please...after two years of paying interest on trains that I took across Europe and clothes I shouldn't have bought....I finally paid off my credit card. Unfortunately, this kind of feels like a birthday: I don't feel any older (or more financially secure), but I guess I am.

We got veggies yesterday! Spinach (always a hit), kohlrabi (looks like an alien), green garlic (hope it's a good as regular garlic), broccoli raab (also always a hit), watermelon radishes (the fact that they are named after my favorite summer fruit gives me the teensiest glimmer of hope), turnips (old news), lettuce (bummer), carrots (yum), & broccoli (double yum. This broccoli is far superior to any broccoli I ever bought at the store). And, even better, Russell J is making PIZZA tonight!

Life is hard & unexpected & crazy all day long, but damn, sometimes it's so, so sweet.

back on the wagon

I made this tonight. That, my friends, is a roast chicken with oranges under its skin. After blood (his), sweat (mine), & tears (also mine...did you know that chickens don't come with a giblet bag? Seriously. All their parts are intact!), this was my dinner tonight.

I fell off of the cooking wagon. I was tired of leafy greens. And I was tired of my job. And then one of my best friends died. Not much cooking has gone on in my house in the past two to three weeks.

But I decided that today was the day. Roast Chicken Day. My name is Katy, I am twenty-three years old, and I can cook a whole chicken at one time.

Kaylee's death has hit me hard.

...

I want to follow that up with some sort of profound statement, but that's all I've got. I'm shocked. I'm heartbroken. I'm angry. I'm not sure that I'll ever fully believe that she died at twenty-four of an aneurysm.

I want to make a grandiose gesture to tell the world how much she meant to me. I want to launch some sort of aneurysm awareness campaign for young women. But that's ridiculous, because the chance of her having had an aneurysm was so slim that if she'd gone to the ER with her symptoms, they probably would have thought that she had the flu or food poisoning and she would have been sent home. I want to film a documentary about this girl that never let me stop laughing. But without her, what's the point?

Those who didn't know her won't ever understand what she meant to me. She was my friend, my confidante, my partner in crime, my cheerleader. She was going to plan my bachelorette party & she was going to be an honorary aunt to my babies.

So I'm starting with the small things. Russell & I are going to give blood this weekend. He's not excited. But even if I have to bribe him, we're getting up bright & early on Saturday to save lives in memory of a girl who made me who I am today.

And I'm going to roast whole chickens & take cross-country road trips & drink in all of the sights that she never got to see. Because as small as those things are, I know that 50 years from now, or whenever God calls me, the people who love me will look back and know that those were the big things. I would give just about anything to hug her again, to hear her laugh, to listen to her make a risque joke.

Kaylee was my most sincere, most generous, most irreverent friend. And none of my words can describe how exquisite she was or how deeply I miss her.