I'm an honest girl. I generally make an effort to be honest. So here is an honest statement: The past year has been difficult for me.
I've been nursing a broken heart that never seems to heal.
I had no idea where my life was headed, due to the fact that I was rejected from ASU's nursing program.
I spent most of my fall semester crying outside of my classrooms instead of attending classes inside of them.
I felt like a lost a large part of my identity, due to the fact that my primary focus was living up to other people's standards.
God and I have not been on good terms for a long time.
I'm on my way back, but it's a long, hard road. I feel like most of my time is spent sitting on random stumps along the path instead of actually walking down it, but I'm at least headed in a direction.
Here is what I learned about myself while I was in France:
- kicking the heads off of dandelions
- reggae music on sunny days
- napping in the grass
- faire bises
- daisy-chain headdresses
- purple paisley
- napping in beds that are not mine
- S'mores Pop Tarts
- watching movies
- crying during movies
- dancing to music that reminds me of me
- ice cream trucks
- sunbathing and getting just a little bit burnt
- CNN, especially Anderson Cooper
- stores and homes that smell like hippies
- stairwells that remind me of Mexico
I want to:
- live on the coast, in a town with church bells, where I can ride the bus or the metro
- live in a lighthouse and own a pumpkin patch
- live close enough to go home for Thanksgiving
- grow my hair long and wear jewelry that jangles and never own a winter coat and never carry an umbrella
- buy fruits and veggies from a fruit stand and be a regular at a coffee shop and sing at open mic nights
- have clear skin
- be real brown and laugh real loud and speak at least two languages every day
- play music with someone I love
- have a dog who I can take mostly everywhere
- live somewhere small and order takeout and watch too many movies and knit gifts for my friends
- do theater in my "free time", if that even exists
- have colored candlesticks and a black lacquered chandelier and a claw-foot bathtub
- read a lot
- have a wrought-iron gate with music notes and a patio full of flowers (which someone else will obviously have to care for, because I'm a mess when it comes to keeping plants alive)
- take naps in the grass in a park near my house
- have colored panes in my living room windows
- have a piano in my living room instead of a TV
- sell my car
- live somewhere with bright colors and lots of paisley and a futon couch where people can sleep when they come visit me and a funky teapot which will nearly always be full of hot water
And that's what I know.