audition

i am beautiful/i am talented/and i am calm
i am beautiful/i am talented/and i am calm

I'm at a job fair that feels much more like a casting call. We're sizing up everyone else in line, lined up like cattle. Ten years ago, I was accustomed to this type of rapid-fire rejection. Today, I am uncomfortable. I'm fidgety. I would rather be anywhere else.

This job fair feels like the only option, even though I've got other applications out. I can never manage to convince myself that if I don't get hired, if I don't get the part, I'll still be alright. This is the only job. This is the only part. This is the only chance I'll get. This is the only time I'll be able to make a first impression.

god, i hope i get it
i hope i get it
how many people does he need?

After waiting in line for over an hour, I have a three minute conversation with a recruiter. I'm qualified, but they don't have any open positions. They'll call me if any positions open up. They'll e-mail. I'll be in the system now.

And I'm fine. Because I know the drill, and I'm well acquainted with not fitting the part. Some days, I'm almost twenty-five and some days, I'm still fifteen.